I can still remember it as if it was yesterday. Febuary 9th 2009. I had been working the graveyard shift, and hadn’t slept a lot, so I was sleeping during the afternoon. At about 6pm, my phone rang. It was Charlotte. Charlotte is one of my nearest and dearest friends. She said she had some bad news for me. I remember a thought rushing through my head, right before she actually told me: “How bad can it really be?”. Feeling sort of groggy from sleeping, I didn’t quite understand what she ment. “Chris was found down by the river about an hour ago.” My first question was “Has he been missing?”. She took a deep breathe, and said “No… He was found. And he’s gone, Maddie, he’s dead.”
I believe I cried myself to sleep for the next week and a half. Chris had been a close friend of mine for the past two years, and I could talk to him about anything. He would never tell. Besides being a dear friend, he was the one who always could make me laugh when I was down. He was just the kind of guy that I could fall for. And I did, at some point.
His funeral was wonderful. I cried about a box of kleenex, and was so proud of him when the reverend held the speach. He was such a great guy. And he died way to early. He was only 24 years old… What I remember the most is how I started laughing through tears when they played his song, in the middle of a church.
This was kind of his song…
I occasionally listen to this song, just sit around with my iPod on really loud, sing a little bit to myself, cry a few tears and smile. Smile, because I remember what an amazing person he was. But the thing is… Whenever anyone else hears that song, they scream “turn it off, it’s so sad!” What do they know that I don’t know? Why don’t they wanna remember him? It’s a painful fact, but ignoring it isn’t exactly doing anyone any good.
What did he die from? Honestly, I don’t really know. The police report says that it was liver- and kidney failure, but it kind of makes me think… What about the fact that he had a fatal amount of drugs in his blood several hours after he died? I knew Chris. I also know that he was very aquainted to MaryJane, but I’m having a hard time believing that he actually would OD himself on purpose, especially on something like that. And the fact that the place where he was found belonged to the biggest drug dealer in town doesn’t exactly give me any less worries. Why don’t I just ask anyone? Well… I’ve tried. Several times. Again, and again, and again. The problem is that people don’t want to talk about it. They don’t want to admit to themselves that he’s dead.
What are they hiding? What are they not telling me? Is their staying silent their way of keeping the truth away?
I wish I knew…
God, how I miss him!
XOXO
